


Bravery is Admitting Something is Broken

by coldfiredragon



Series: Because You Made Me Brave [6]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bravery series, Canon Relationships, Eavesdropping, F/M, Josh and Q get stoned and play video games, Josh and Quentin friendship, M/M, Quentin Coldwater Lives, Unresolved Emotional Tension, determined Alice, disfunctional Qualice, disheartened Quentin, heart to heart, these poor kids just want to be happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22387765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfiredragon/pseuds/coldfiredragon
Summary: Quentin and Josh get stoned, play Smash Bros Ultimate, and Alice overhears a conversation she shouldn't.
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Alice Quinn, Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Series: Because You Made Me Brave [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1336051
Comments: 7
Kudos: 69





	Bravery is Admitting Something is Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This conversation scene sets up the original fic in this universe -- the one where Eliot comes home to find Alice on his couch. This is what pushed her to end up there. Enjoy!

Alice had never expected for The Library, of all places, to become an escape, but as she steps through the portal from her office to the empty bedroom her shoulders fall. Coming 'home' shouldn't feel like this. She shouldn't feel so... heavy. Returning to the apartment she shares with her boyfriend is supposed to lift the weight off her back. If only she and Quentin were on good terms. Alice inhales and squares her shoulders, then lets the breath back out and lets them fall. Quentin hasn't come to bed, so he's either still awake, or he's gone out. The bedroom door stands open a handful of inches, and the artificial light from the living room TV spilling into the room suggests he's home. 

With determination, though she's not sure what's she's determined to do, Alice crosses the space, but Quentin's voice as she gets closer to the door stops her. 

“Have you talked to him at all?” Alice isn't sure if Quentin's on his phone or if they have a guest. The polite thing to do is either announce her presence or close the door and go to bed. Instead, she ghosts closer to the crack and surveys what she can of the living room. Quentin's perched near the center of the couch with a game controller in hand, playing Smash Bros Ultimate online. Alice can smell pot. 

“Well yeah, I mean a little when I see him, which isn't much.” Alice can hear Josh, but he's not in their living room, so Quentin must have him on speaker as they play together. 

“I miss him.” Quentin's response is so low that Alice almost doesn't hear it at all. Without considering the ethical ramifications of listening to her boyfriend's private conversation, her fingers have worked the poppers to enhance her hearing. She flattens herself to the wall where she won't be seen and listens. For about a minute, all she hears is the wreckless mash and click of buttons as Quentin plays his game. He's button-mashing tonight, which tends to happen when he's frustrated. She's watched Quentin play and has seen the difference. When he's focused, his fingers fly through the button combinations that lead to combos and special attacks. He relaxes and gives the game the same kind of reverence he usually reserves for card games. 

The click of buttons gets more frantic; then, Josh shouts an exclamation of triumph and Quentin cusses. He tosses the controller onto the coffee table, and Alice winces as the plastic scratches against the glass. 

“You almost had me.” 

“Yeah. Asshole. Peach is OP, and you know it.” Quentin sounds more fond than angry, and Josh laughs. “Give me a minute before we start again. I'm going to grab a soda.” Alice hears him move away from her, then the metallic snap of a soda can seal breaking. Something rustles, and she can hear the crunch as Quentin bites off a piece of a pretzel. She's ready to drop the spell when he speaks again. “Do you ever wonder if it was worth it?” The clicks of the controller are slower. He's probably choosing a new team character to play. 

“If what was worth it?” Josh sounds perplexed, and now that Alice thinks about it, probably a little stoned. 

“If any of it was worth it? I mean obliviously it was worth it, that's not, it's, we got magic back. The Monster is gone. Nobody died. Alice is helping reform the fucking Library. That's all great. It's great. It's... it just doesn't feel like we won. I thought...” The sounds of the controller suggest that their next match has started. “I thought it would be better, or at least less shitty, or something.”

“I think, I mean, I kinda know what you mean. Sorta. I mean, Margo was King for a hot minute, and now she's not. I know that bugs the fuck out of her, you know.”

“How would I know. She's not speaking to me, remember? That's what I mean. We went through all of this shit, and we just fell apart afterward!” The bone-deep bitterness in Quentin's voice makes Alice flinch. It had been hard enough on Quentin when Eliot had left and cut him out. When Margo had done the same thing out of 'solidarity,' it had only made things worse. Alice kinda wishes Julia were still around, but once the Binder had removed the block on her powers, it hadn't taken her long to make the jump back to goddess tier. 

“She is always going to side with Eliot, even when she shouldn't. If it makes you feel better, he's really not talking to her either. They meet for brunch once a week, and that's about it.”

“That doesn't...” Quentin falls silent, probably so he can take a moment to focus on the game as he picks his words. “I just want my best friend to talk to me again. I mean, I know it's my fault. I wasn't trying to stonewall El when Alice was around. She was always so pissed off. I just wanted to wait it out until some of the hurt feelings blew over. I didn't know he would... leave like that.” The click of buttons stops; Alice hears the controller land on the glass of the coffee table. “Fuck, I wasn't trying to hurt him! I wasn't trying to hurt either of them. Now everything's a goddamn mess, and I don't think I can fix any of it. El won't speak to me; Alice is never here.” 

“Q, I...” Josh sounds lost for words, but Alice is positive he's stoned and wasn't expecting Quentin's emotional breakdown. Part of her wants to go into the living room and hug Quentin, but that would mean admitting that she's been listening, which won't help. She knows it won't help. “Q... look, Buddy, if you're this miserable than do something about it. Get the hell out while the gettings good or whatever.”

“I can't.” Quentin sniffs.

“Sure you can, Jesus, man. It can't be worse, right?” 

“It probably won't fix anything. What's the point of torpedoing my relationship with one of the few friends I have left?” There's a pause. Alice hears him pick up the controller again, followed by the incessant mash of buttons. The sound is going to imprint on her brain; Alice thinks she might even hear it in her sleep. “I know you're just trying to help.” 

“It sounds like the relationship is already torpedoed, and you're just bailing water to stay afloat. It might take some effort to fix things with her, but the sooner you make a change, the better chance you have. I think she cares about you; she wants you to be happy.”

“I wish I could just have the best of both, sometimes.”

“Have they ever been friends?” Quentin laughs, and it sounds wet and broken. 

“Yeah, before I slept with El for the first time. Oh, you weren't around for that. I forgot. They've been at each other's throats since.” Alice listens and sags against the wall for support as she tries to process the implication that the night with the emotion bottles isn't the only time Quentin and Eliot had been together. It made Quentin's behavior when Eliot had been possessed so much clearer. Realizing that Quentin had been/still is in love with Eliot casts the whole mess in a fresh light. It explains why he'd been so wrecked and desperate to save him. It explains why he's taking things so hard now. With a wave of her hands, she finally disperses the spell. Her body feels numb as she walks back to her Library portal, and mechanically moves her hands to spark it back to life. 

Her office feels cold and lifeless as she tuts. The magical locks she keeps on her office safe fall away, and she pulls on the handle. The row of books hidden inside glare back at her. When she'd taken over as acting director, it had made her more than a few enemies within the existing staff. It had seemed smart to hide away the books of the people closest to her so no one could use them against her. 

She hasn't read them on principle, but she reaches for Eliot's second volume now and skims the table of contents. It's not hard to find what she wants. The two chapters immediately follow one another. 'The Monster' and 'Boston.' She's momentarily surprised. Only Margo knew where Eliot had ended up when he'd left New York; Alice would have never guessed Boston. Now, Alice flips through the pages and does her best not to read them. Eliot's life story isn't something she can casually absorb; all she wants is an address. With an address, she can hopefully set some it right. If she's lucky, Eliot will want the best of both as much as Quentin does.


End file.
